My FAP got me in this situation

Ok, let me preface this story with the following explanation. I was on this "Guy's" blog the other night and there was this link to some site about reasons why beards are cool, right...stay with me now....

And so after reading all the hilarious reasons why beards are cool...there's this link that's all "Want to see what this is all about?" So, inveritably...I clicked it. The ensuing site was a dating site where everything was free...contact...email...setting up profile...just a mini myspace focused on dating. So, being single I said, what the hell....I'll make a profile...and perhaps lure a wounded yet chesty fawn into my stabbin' cabin (Yes, I'm aware that that line was both genius and unbecoming of whatever self righteous facade I project..it's still funny though). I looked at quite a few profiles of females within a 25 mile radius, gas is high. Some profiles I clicked.."Yes, I'm interested"....a few emailed me back within 24 hrs. One in particular emailed me simply..."How are you doing?". I took a closer look at her profile and noticed her headline read "SBF looking for SWM". Obviously I was somewhat befuddled.

I read the rest of her profile and it was all "super Hoity Toity". Ridonculous statements like, "No Ebonics", "No tattoos", "No Grill", blah blah blah. The thing about it was that this was a 33 yr old woman. I had to respond with a few questions of my own. Brace yourself...this is not exactly a short email.....check it...a one two a one two....

Shawn1979:

Hi Malibu, I'm doing well, thanks for asking. I'll have to admit, after reading your profile again I noticed a couple of things that makes me believe I don't fit your mold.

1 Your headline says "SBF for SWM"? What's up with that? Too many bad experiences with those of African descent?

2 "No Tattoos"...well, as you can see I have a large tattoo on my arm in one of the pictures, but I'm a professional educated black man. It's not a prison tattoo, I got it done by a Samoan in a renown tattoo shop in Vegas that specializes in Samoan and other styles of Polynesian Tatu. It's a culture I've always been interested in and have researched in the past. Too bad you don't like them though, sometimes tattoos tell an intricate story about one's life. I definitely don't always walk the straight and narrow. Probably, not the most christian thing to do...but neither is restricting yourself to a certain group of humans because their skin reflects a lighter flesh tone of the light spectrum than your own.

3 "No Ebonics".....ok, I'll admit...I don't say the N word every other sentence...really, not at all actually, lol. But no ebonics? Are you suggesting that someone that would speak ebonics is not intelligent?

I'm not lambasting you I promise, I just want to know where you're coming from...I shoot from the hip.

Now that Ive said my spiel, I do like the fact that you know exactly what you want though. Albeit somewhat narrow and myopic. I mean, I'm not saying you should only date black guys....just that you might be missing out...I don't just date just black women...I've been open minded enough to date Asian, Caucasian, Indian, African, African-American, Hispanic, and mixed...stretched out over 15 years or so of course...I'm a one woman man.

I guess you've already considered going against your edict because you emailed me to say hi, but I had to bring it up to see what your side of the story is. Let me know what you think...and I apologize for the lack of brevity, my mind spills over from time to time. Take care, have a good day, and pretty smile by the way.
-end

Guess it's safe to say I was brutally honest. Out of line? What do you think?

And now to throw myself completly under the bus on the road of self depracation....I'm going to post what my profile "About Me" section says..what the ladies see...just to really put myself in the meat grinder...and yes, I was slightly under the influence..check it...a one two a one two....

"Namaste. I love life, culture, laughter, learning music, art, rivers, going out, etc. I'm a pretty nice guy, to a fault sometimes, my mother's good heart served me well for sure. I'm still not 100% sure what I'm looking for here, a spark, that feeling in your chest when your heart feels heavy, or maybe just someone to go to live music shows or go salsa dancing. I'm pretty eclectic and I definitely like a woman with an open mind, never judge a book by it's cover....or it's critical review."

Sad? Probably. But, I felt the honesty was appropriate to fully effectuate the commentary of this blog.

Online dating?....bleh....no substitute for sexy body language, flirty smiles, feminine eyes, lips, legs, thighs, ass, good conversation, bodacious tatas, pheromones, and stiff drinks.

Yours truly,

-"That Buffalo got my blood a' boilin' ".